Alien Villainess 4



To get us up to speed, in case anyone’s forgetting, I took Venus off on a honeymoon and stranded a space cruise to give her a shot at playing out a fantasy of hers. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s shit at it. I bonded to her symbiotically to help her deal with the alien planet and give her a convenient power boost. But her attempt to steal an experiment was disrupted by someone else stealing it first. Some heroes fought her, but then ended up recruiting us to go along and help them steal it back. Also, being bonded to her right now, there’s a lot of plural pronouns and I tend to refer to her by her first name.

And as an example of how our thoughts converge, we were in sight of Dr. Malevolent’s icy fortress when she thought, “We haven’t been that villainous, have we?”

“No, but think of it as laying a foundation,” I answered. “We’ve given them reasons to be suspicious. We had sex with them. Soon, we betray them and they probably try to fight us.”

I could sense the doubt in her. Perhaps I’ll never corrupt my waifu. That’s not a bad thing.

The Flicker and I were racing along, keeping pace, pulling a sleigh carrying Reservoirman, Florxman, and the Amazing Twins. Kinda wish I could take the twins with me when we left. Flicker’s not too bad, either.

We smiled when Isabella shared my thoughts. Humans coming to an alien planet to abduct aliens for some sexual probing.

The thought was interrupted by some omniscience warning me of immediate danger. Mines. They were Dr. Malevolent’s. We fired eye beams that were nothing but colored light and a bit of warmth to uncover that mine in the way. Flicker saw it and went the opposite way as we wanted to go. We went with her and used heat vision to uncover more mines in our path. Dr. Malevolent had plenty, but his minecraft left something to be desired. The minefield had a lot of mines left in straight lines. With me pointing them out, and both of us having superspeed, we navigated it all safely.

Soon, we were right there, across a treacherous pass of ice that also couldn’t hold us back. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor dark of night will stay these boring, uptight do-gooders about their business.

Florxman’s teeth were chattering as he dismounted. “W-watch for bolos,” he warned.

Bolos. This world’s word for robots. These are not automatons. They were very simple mechanical beings, incapable of their own thought.

We floated above the ice, carrying Flicker and Reservoirman. Florxman used his grappling hook to get to the giant metal door, a dozen feet tall. The Amazing Twins took the shape of a cloud and a penguin-like creature to get close to the door.

“I’ll knock,” We said. The thing was some heavy-ass lead, which meant nothing to us. One blow dented it and revealed the bolo hiding in wait on the other side. It tried to push the door open from that side to get to us, but the door jammed from the dent. We used the heat vision again, melting through a portion of the door and igniting the punchcard computer in the bolo’s brain, deactivating it. We pulled the door off and hurled it off back into the minefield.

“We are we even along?” said Thod of the Amazing Twins. That was the guy. Florxman looked at them. He’s still suspicious because, really, why slow myself down and work for them for ultimately no reason? What is my ulterior motive?

I stopped. Not from the question or his suspicion. I held a finger to my ear to emphasize I was hearing something else. “You go on without me.”

“Is something wrong?” Reservoirman asked. Finally, a chance for him to be the strong one. That was the only real role he had left and I’d stolen it from him.

The shuttle we’d taken was contacting me. The captain of the space cruise we’d been on let us have it, the shields modified to deflect the early radar systems of this planet, along with a pilot and co-pilot. They’ve been sitting around bored for this whole trip while we took forever, but a god was their passenger.

“I knew it. She’s crazy,” Reservoirman commented. “I shouldn’t have put my dick in her.

“You too?!” asked everyone else.

Reservoirman singled out Florxman. “You warned me to keep an eye on her. I did. It looks like you did too.”

I waved at them to shut the hell up. The blob aliens in the shuttle were talking. “Listen, the Captain’s really freaked you are taking so long. He just asked us to scan the city for you, and we had to tell him you weren’t in the city. With all due respect, what the hell’s going on out there?”

“We’re not in the city. Someone else stole it first and fled toward the planet’s northern pole.”

“Fine, but our scans also showed you were mating with the locals. We covered for you on that one, but we can’t wait around much longer for you to finish this intergalactic booty call. The Captain said if you don’t step it up, we’ll just take what we want from somewhere else and damn the interference. The buffet ran dry and the retirees are getting restless. The rest of the buffet’s currently stocked, but passengers are talking about eating the crew. They already threatened to shove fruit into one crewmember and eat him out of a bowl.”

“Message received. We’ll speed this up a bit. Be there soon,” We turned to the confused and defensive alien heroes. Or local heroes. We were the aliens. “We’re going to speed this up to get ahead of whatever else is coming this way.”

I blinked out of there before they could express their confusion, appearing in midair in the lab of Dr. Malevolent. The confused mad scientist looked up from a bank of rough, super low-res green monitors. “What are you doing here?”

“I gotta take your nuclear bomb. It’s a thing. For the record, atomic explosions don’t ignite the whole atmosphere, but it does a bunch of nasty shit, so you’re better off not using one near yourself,” we told him.

“You sure we should give him that much?” Isabella asked.

“May not matter if we’re skipping out and letting something happen,” I responded, landing next to the bomb and tearing it free of the devices holding it in place.

Flicker raced up next to us, grabbing our arm. “What are you doing?”

We reached out and caressed her face. “We wish we knew you better, so we could justify taking you with us. This was just supposed to be a game. I guess I don’t play a bad guy very well.” That last bit was Isabella, not me.

“Speak for yourself, love. I can play the bad guy just fine. But I’m sure you’re a nice person, Flicker,” I added. As if I’m suddenly against having a harem with an alien in it. I fucked a deep one.

“Ew,” Isabella said. She looked to Flicker. “Not you, something she said.”

“There are two people in there?” Flicker asked.

“Got it, princess,” I told her.

Flicker let go of me and we both sped up to normal time. “What are you?”

“We are wives. Just married, off on an adventure, one without powers and the other a reality-warping goddess,” we answered.

Dr. Malevolent went for a death ray. We raised our hand and stopped the beam in midair, then dispersed it.

“You really didn’t need us,” Flicker said. Nearby, Dr. Malevolent, an alien wearing a doctor’s gown, was sneaking toward a console and began to ease a bunch of levers down

“As we said, this was about fun,” We tossed the circular shell of Malevolent’s nuclear bomb in the air. Flicker tried to catch it, but we held it away from her. “Relax, it takes more than that to set these things off, especially this style.” We pulled the beryllium off telekinetically. That’s what we were there for. We went ahead and disassembled the rest of the nuclear weapon, transforming the plutonium core into a much less harmful substance, copper. “See? We’re a big softy in the end.”

“I’m glad the goddess is the nice one,” Flicker said. She watched us toss aside everything but the beryllium.

“Ok, ship, come meet us. Transmitting coordinates now,” we informed the shuttle. Then we winked at Flicker. We balled up our fist and… turned to punch a shockwave that blew a large bolo through a wall. Another four rose off the walls. We smiled at Flicker. “How many of these do you think the team can take without me?”

“Uh… two?” She guessed.

We nodded. Why bother pretending we’re native? I opened and then closed a hand. In turn, one of the remaining four bolos fell apart and the other squeezed in on itself, leaving two active ones. The rest of the team came running around the corner of the hallway in time to see the display of power.

“You could have had all this, you know,” we said, gesturing to our shared body, which was Isabella with me pretending to be a costume that rode up in inconvenient places when I found it convenient. We raised a hand blasted the ceiling of this icy fortress apart, exposing everyone to the wintry night sky. A glowing light enveloped us from the shuttle floating overhead.

“We must go now. Our planet needs us,” we told Flicker.

“What’s that music?” Florxman asked, referring to the Superman theme that appeared out of nowhere while we began to float upward. We landed in the shuttle and strapped in while they shut the door.

“Have fun?” asked the co-pilot.

“Not as much as we intended, but… it was a bonding experience,” Isabella said. “You couldn’t betray them either,” she thought to me.

“You corrupt me with your damn niceness,” I told her in our head.

“You’ve been ignoring those calls for days. You knew,” she teased.

“Stop it. The other wives are going to make fun of me if you keep this up,” I responded.

“I’ll pretend you corrupted me, but you have to let me do some stuff with your powers,” Isabella offered.

I mean… she’s so good.


Together we conjured up an image of the planet we left behind. It was quaint and nostalgic… but it was a really shallow vacation. Without the emotional connection to the people there, it’s just shallow theme park voyeurism. And my wife is terrible at being evil. No way she’s going to do something too messed-up with my powers.




2 thoughts on “Alien Villainess 4

  1. Pingback: Alien Villainess 3 | World Domination in Retrospect

  2. Pingback: Alien Villainess 5 | World Domination in Retrospect

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