It’s creepy how nice they are to me here. Some of them have to know who I am. They’re all so… nice. I think I expected worse of an ancient conspiracy pulling strings behind the scenes. The Unity would have disarmed almost anybody else entirely, but there are still too many questions about their plans.
Or… “Why me?” I asked Apollo. I saw he had stopped by for a break. One of the few I could recognize, and one with some authority.
He reached for his bow with one hand. “Why you?”
“Why was I picked to go out and by that man?” I raised my hand to my head. “I can’t remember who I was that I would choose to be Psycho Gecko. Was I violent?”
He eased at that and reached out to brush my hair. “You are a many things. A part of a trinity, and a trinity unto yourself. You are a creator and caregiver, as a mother, but also a destroyer. You volunteered as a way to help your people.”
“But where are my people? Are there no gods who knew me from before?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Your pantheon fell. Come, let me get you a drink.” He put his hand on my lower back and started to guide me to the cafeteria.
“Oh, I couldn’t. Besides, I have this weird medical issue I need to see a doctor about,” I said, slapping his hand away as it dipped down to fondle my ass.
“Medical issue?” he asked, looking me over. His eyes glowed with light for a moment. “You have pieces in you from your infiltration, but otherwise you’re healthy.”
I pointed downward. “I was bleeding when you first brought me in.”
He smiled and patted me on the shoulder, leaving his hand there. “When we brought you in, I had to make sure you were fine. I gave you a check up and sort of… reset your period in the process.”
My what now?
“Oh. Ok. Well… that’s strange,” I said. “I’ll have to take you up on that drink another time. I have something very important to do elsewhere.”
More like this guy “reset my period” and is wanting to buy me a drink. I’m not sticking around for whatever he wants to stick into me. I don’t have a period, I know that much. As it stands, I ended up with a drink I wasn’t expecting thanks to a group hanging around some rooms.
Someone was excited and passing around beer. Not bad. I don’t think I’d drink it regularly, but most of my notes on beer referred to it as “piss that eventually incapacitates” under taste. Someone else grabbed me and started dancing with a bunch of Irish music starting up. I think I got pulled into a circle of people before managing to spin away and catch a wall. A bigger guy with a great red beard caught me before I could smack my glass on the wall.
“Whoa, lady. Get your feet under you and air in your lungs,” he said with a strong Irish accent. He pulled the beer out of my hand when someone else got too close and almost knocked my elbow. “Easy there, wouldn’t want you all wet!” He laughed awkwardly, his eyes showing more alarm than joy there.
“Let me guess, that came out wrong?” I gave him an out.
He kept laughing and shook his head, looking down. “Yes.”
“It’s ok. It happens. I’m new here still… what is all this?” I motioned to the whole hootenanny.
“We’re all new here, but that’s the point. Finn here’s a new pop!” He pointed to a tall, blonde pale guy. “Shame it had to be under these circumstances.”
“Finn. That’s a god name?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Not rightly. He’s named after a hero. I’m just Conner.”
“Well, just Conner, I’m Tripura. So are y’all Irish gods?”
“We’re the Tuatha de Danaan,” he informed me. Information popped up from an internal database. I have no clue how I stumbled across the name of the Irish pantheon of gods who displaced another group called the Fir Bolg after a war. It also offered to link me to a horror podcast special about a seaside British pub, but I don’t know what that had to do with anything.
“I’m from the Hindu pantheon,” I informed him.
He furrowed his brow and looked down again. “Sorry to hear about your people.”
“Thanks… anyway, a new baby. Happy occasion and all. I haven’t seen a real doctor around though. She didn’t have it down here, did she?”
“No, heavens no. They have a doctor up above, one of the aliens.” He pointed to the ceiling. “Sorry nobody told you. We’re all a mess, concentrated here. They bring in more every day.”
I thanked him and left to go see about this doctor, pondering the things he said. I didn’t go after Ireland, so the Tuatha de Danaan being here is odd. And more keep coming in? Someone else must be going after them. Venus, or maybe Titan put together a group of supervillains in their old costumes.
The fun started when a drunk stumbled into another drunk and they began to discuss the accident as drunks do. With fists. Somehow, in all the commotion, someone threw a glass in my direction. I swatted it to the side where it broke against the face of a woman standing there. She sank down, holding her face. The woman next to her looked down at her friend, then raised a hand toward me. I don’t know for sure she was trying to hit me. I just know I punched her in the face before I could.
Things got out of hand after that. Someone came at me and I fed him his own shoe. Not sure if he was trying to kick me. It wasn’t just me against everyone. This was a full-on bar brawl, minus the bar. At some point, someone threw a spear that burned a hole through the wall. I got distracted watching it and someone knocked me through it. “You assholes wouldn’t a’ punched me if my back wasn’t turned!” I said, pulling myself up. “Get out here and fight me like a man!” I yelled back in, putting up all four of my dukes.
Everyone was too busy brawling among themselves, the cowards. Even Conner was scrapping, and I was feeling the effects of the godly brew on my system, so I made for the bathroom to assault people with my smell rather than my four fists of fury. Whatever those Irish gods drink turned out to be a bit stronger than I’m used to, because I woke up the next morning still on the toilet.
I wish I could remember if I often dream of dressing up with green hair and green toenails and singing sultry songs at a bar.
Having at last confirmed there was a doctor, I decided I would see to a visit. Ya know, after I got cleaned up.
I was visited upon this Summer’s eve by a single ghost. Or he could have passed for one. It was the regular-looking human in the denim jacket who I knew was originally a denim-clad humanoid with pink skin. “Enjoying our hospitality?”
I cupped my palm and held it up to my ear. “Just got pulled into something. A birth celebration. These are strange people. Things just don’t match up.”
“These are the normal folks instead of the ones trying to kill you,” he said. “There are always normal people behind the killers.”
“I know, I think,” I said.
The denim dude pushed his face close to mine all of a sudden. “I wonder what normal people are behind you.”
“You couldn’t fathom the number of normal people I’ve left behind me,” I said, meeting his eyes. Neither could I, right now.
He grinned and floated back. “Excuse me, please. Fascination is normal for my people. We get fixated on something and we can focus as long as we need to or until we die. My people live a long time. A long time.”
He at least was able to direct me to the doctor to make sure the shiner is all I had to show for my fight, but this wasn’t just a call for appearances. So hard to find my way around this three and four story monstrosity of a building, all mashed together in the middle of a walled-in area. It wasn’t put together to look good, which I feel should mean something. But I had to stop critiquing architecture and knocked on the door and prepared to finally get my hands on something to free my mind.
“Come in and take your pants off!” was the response I got. Times like these, I really wish I knew my normal reaction to that invitation. Without a proper reference point, I entered and dropped my skirt.
Another humanoid, more violet-skinned than pink, stepped out from behind a curtain, snapping a latex glove onto her hand. From the way she looked me over, I think the doctor was seeing me now. I wasn’t opposed either, even if she lacked mammalian mammaries. “That was a joke. You look like you’re new so I shouldn’t expect you to know that. You can put your skirt on, unless it’s something,” she twirled her finger in a circle toward my hips instead of finishing the sentence.
I didn’t get dressed, partly for why I was there and partly because I hoped this would go someplace. “I was in a fight yesterday, and before that there was some bleeding down here.” I pointed between my legs. “I really need a close examination down there. There’s a lot I need to know about. Down there.”
She smiled and my HUD displayed a suggested playlist starting with a song called “Pussy Pussy Bang Bang”.
I left the office having not learned anything official about ovaries, but having had a good time regardless and stumbled into that Conner guy. “Hey, whoa. She worked you over, did she?”
“Yeah she did,” I said. “You’re trying to get in on my doctor-patient confidentiality, are you?”
He shook his head. “No, but I was sent by Finn. You impressed him yesterday.”
“Didn’t he just finish knocking someone up?” I asked.
Conner blushed red, which looked really funny going with his red beard. “That’s not what I meant at all! The Tuatha de Danaan have been called upon to strike back against the enemy hunting us. We would take nine to the fight, but you broke Lugh’s jaw and Finn saw something in you. He says you’re a warrior and wants you with us, if you’ll join.”
Perfect. A chance to link up with whoever’s fighting the Hares. A jolt ran through my body and I quickly nodded my assent. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Uh, I’ll talk to you about it later, ok? I just realized I left something in there…” I pointed back to the doctor’s office.
He smiled wide and started running back to tell this Finn guy the good news.
I knocked on the doctor’s door again. “Uh, doc, you can stop messing with that remote now. I think I found that, uh, massager we lost.”