A man steps out of a Texas bar after a miserable night of drinking. He may be out on bail, but that doesn’t mean the whole town hasn’t heard the story of what he did. The tape was in the hands of the police. Fuck ‘em. There was no way he was ever going to admit guilt. His friends had dragged him into it and the girl said yes. So what if anyone could tell she wasn’t old enough? Shouldn’t even matter since it all took place two years ago.
Then a naked man stepped over from the side of the bar. Some cracker with a curly blonde hair forming a sort of white man’s ‘fro. “Jared Cruse?” he asked in a thick accent that the man didn’t know was Austrian.
“Who wants to know?” he asked, wondering if he’d get charged for beating down some gay guy too.
“I am a GekkoTek model P-1MP sent from the future to help you eliminate the girl who you are charged with raping. In the future, she goes on to lead a feminist crusade that leads to forced castration for all men on the planet. Come with me if you want to come.”
“You’re crazy man, that isn’t real,” Jared replied as he backed toward the bar, wondering what the guy in front of him was on, at least until the “P-1MP” raised his right hand, extended his middle finger, and used a pocketknife to begin cutting through the skin in a straight line around the finger, unflinching the entire time. Before he could pull the skin off, Jared looked away. He didn’t see the man hold his finger and glare hatefully at Jared as muffled curses escaped from his tightly fastened mouth. When he noticed Jared begin to look back, he hid his hand in a black leather glove.
“Now do you believe me?”
“Uh, yeah, but why are you naked?”
The P-1MP paused for 4 seconds, looking right at Jared, then hesitantly answered, “The resistance…said it was important?”
“Then where’d you get a knife and a glove?”
“Every P-1MP model is capable of hiding a small amount of equipment in the usual hiding spot.”
“Ew, man. Just, where is she?” Jared figured he might as well play along and call his lawyer later. He didn’t know what was going on, but it sounded like a mistrial. Or at least a change of venue if someone around here would pull some shit like this. The P-1MP pointed over to a rusty old pickup truck in the parking lot.
“Get in, I will drive us there.”
Jared began to walk over and reached for his phone when the naked man, Psycho Gecko, clubbed him over the head with a brick. They both hit the ground at the same time. Jared was KOed, but Gecko just stayed there on his hands and knees, sobbing, “Owww, oww, oww…it’s over…it’s finally over…” he said through a smile and tears as he chucked the smelly brick off to the side. When he heard it crash through glass and a car alarm start, he realized he didn’t have time to relocate his hipbones.
A couple of hours later, three people enjoyed a private session of bowling at an otherwise empty alley. A 13 year old girl, her father, and a fully dressed Psycho Gecko chuck bowling balls down the lane, Gecko stuck using his left hand. When the girl steps up for her turn, her father leans into Gecko and whispered, “So what did you do with him? You didn’t…you know.”
Gecko grinned wide and answered while adding only 7 despite the girl having knocked down 9, “He’s getting a taste of his own medicine.” Then he stood to take his turn.
“Good,” said the father, “I hope you’re ready for the other nineteen.”
Gecko stumbled and caught himself on the ball return as his legs tried to give out under him, “Nineteen?” he asked with a whimper.
“Yeah. Nineteen,” said the father with a nod as his daughter sat next to him. He pulled her close in a hug, glad for a silver lining in the midst of the entire ugly mess.
Gecko managed to stand up and grabbed his ball. He hurled it down the lane. It was nearly a gutterball, but bounced off the side above the gutter and back into the middle of the lane to punch through several of the pins. When it landed in the ball return behind the pins, it depressed a button. In the dark past the lane, a figure was caught in manacles on all fours. He couldn’t move or dodge or even, thanks to the gag, cry out in pain as the ball’s weight activated a robot arm with a variety of dildos attached that mimicked various animals in the wild. This time, the orca lined up and fired into the usual hiding spot with hydraulic force. It withdrew suddenly, the machine realigning in anticipation of the next ball.
That man was fucked the moment Psycho Gecko heard about him. Utterly fucked.
I keep imagining that as nervous laughter. Nervous laughter like “Did I really just say this guy was a genius?”
““Every P-1MP model is capable of hiding a small amount of equipment in the usual hiding spot.””
“Gecko just stayed there on his hands and knees, sobbing, “Owww, oww, oww…it’s over…it’s finally over…” he said through a smile and tears as he chucked the smelly brick off to the side. When he heard it crash through glass and a car alarm start, he realized he didn’t have time to relocate his hipbones.”
I’m just glad that you didn’t describe the whole scene