I know it’s not the normal scheduled update, but OOC insisted I do something for Valentine’s, even if I got around to it late due to some business in Vatican City that I can’t talk about right now. So I figured I would tell a story about love. Knowing me, you can probably figure out this won’t have a happy ending. We were able to overcharge the connection to get this through to your universe by plugging a capacitor bank into a nearby motel tonight and charging it up on the power of love. It required one of those European outlet adapters.
It’s not my story. I heard it from a hero named Slapstick. Not really man or woman, or perhaps both at the same time, Slapstick is a shapeshifter and a very skilled one. We ran into each other one day around some Middle Eastern country. Can’t remember which, but it had a lot of rioting and neither of us much felt like taking any side in it. Normally I’d love to riot and cause a ruckus, but not in that heat. It’s just too much. Besides, I was done with my business there. Slapstick had been the mole who sold out the people I had worked for, but I had finished my part and they paid me already so I had no beef with him or her.
So over a bottle of brandy he told me this tale:
I have actually been in love before. I was still Slapstick, just a younger Slapstick. A more idealistic Slapstick. A hornier Slapstick. She was Selene, after the moon goddess. We met in South America.
I was a mercenary working with this gang of guerillas out of a mountain. They did things like smuggling, drugs, and human trafficking. They only did a little human trafficking. It paid well. She busted in and handed the guerillas their asses. The other powered mercs didn’t do so well either. The money was dead or captured and I was neither at threat nor highly motivated.
We had a rocky start but a passionate and fiery one. We began to work together before long. I became something of a reserve member of her team.
It was wonderful. I was a college student with an amazing secret. I was in love with someone. We lived far apart, but I knew then I wanted her in my life for as long as she would have me. It did not matter one bit that she had twins by an ex. It made me smile sometimes just knowing that she was out there somewhere. That happens when you know you’re truly loved.
One day I was hanging out at her team’s base when I saw someone there who, I’ll admit, looked pretty hot. Her name was Crystal. We got to talking, but not that way, and in the course of events my girlfriend came up. Crystal knew Selene. Crystal knew Selene very well. Selene was Crystal’s girlfriend and submissive.
I don’t think highly of all that dominant and submissive bullshit these days.
Next time I talked to Selene, she was with Crystal. She was also with Crystal in a different way. She broke up with me. According to Crystal and Selene, the whole relationship with me was just a way to play me and keep me from being an enemy then and in later times.
I was devastated. I found my way back to my dorm room and just collapsed into a salty wet puddle of goop for awhile. Despite not having a heart, I could still feel phantom pains where it should have been.
As a side note, it proved wrong the English professor I had who referred to a broken heart as purely metaphorical.
I did get my act together some, and I did help with the team some more. I was around Selene some in the process. I didn’t care for this at all and I refused to speak to her. I did help save her for what little it was worth.
I didn’t like Crystal and it turned out my spurned lover instincts were correct. She was obsessed. I found this out due to a new romance that formed in the wake of the one with Selene. An old friend and former lover of Selene’s who had taken up with me out of some sympathy and understanding. Together we uncovered that Crystal was obsessive and dangerous. Selene found it out too and wanted help. Together, we were able to make Crystal back off and go her own way.
Through a sort of default, Selene and I were kind of back together. This was a problem for me because I was still together with our mutual friend and because I didn’t care for Selene any more. It was nice she and Crystal were broken up and I could still remember the good times, but I didn’t love her any more.
I let other things take precedence and we lost track of each other. That is easy to do when you just stop going out as a superhuman like I did.
It changed me. I lost that spark to do good, but I couldn’t go back to being what I was before. And I became a lot more cynical. Especially about my feelings. I began to second guess them and I refused to ever put them out there so fully. I felt ashamed of the way I had been, thinking I had been in love with someone who up and left me for some psycho bitch who was willing to put a collar on her.
Time passed. I moved on.
Until I ran into her again, four years later.
She acted like nothing had changed. She thought it was wonderful seeing me again. All lovey dovey. She even told me she loved me. I felt awkward. I had always felt bad for our relationship just petering out, but now I had to find some way to make it known to her that I didn’t love her.
Since I had decided to get more active in costume again, I ran into her more and more. It was one time when I had a few more beers than I should have that I began to talk some shit about dominating her better than Crystal. It was some sort of macho BS.
That’s when she told me possibly the only thing that could still hurt me about our breakup.
It wasn’t real. She didn’t even remember Crystal or that whole incident until I mentioned her. As far as Selene knew, the breakup was faked and so was her relationship with Crystal. It was all done to go undercover around Crystal and her group to find out what they were all pulling. She even avoided having sex with Crystal all that time, despite Crystal’s bragging around me.
She thought I knew this. Somehow. Hell if I know how I was supposed to know that. She couldn’t very well tell me afterwards because I was refusing to talk to her. To me, the person who was just broken up with out of nowhere for a D/s dominant, this course of action makes sense. It’s Selene’s actions I can’t wrap my head around. All just faked but she never bothered to let me know before, during, or after.
The original breakup changed the course of my life. I went from wanting to marry this woman despite my youth to just kind of drifting. I wanted her by my side and then the whole scenario was blown up. I had one of the worst days of my life, but she didn’t even remember it happened because that day was a game to her.
I tried to maintain that conversation and let her know how I felt, but she just insisted that the past was the past and we should just move on from here. Move on from here what? I don’t have any feelings for her. Not ones of love, anyway. I had four years of moving on without even considering her a part of my life anymore. Four years of going off in some other direction with a small personality change due to her actions. And excuse me, but I see no reason to ignore my very righteous and rational feelings of anger towards all of that.
I didn’t tell her that last part. After her talk about moving on from here, I got out of there. The next time I see her, we need to have a serious talk and I need her to realize there is nothing between us.
I don’t remember how many months ago it was since I talked to her and then walked away in baffled disgust over her actions and her wanting to continue what we had. I have yet to have that talk with her. How many months, five, six?
The idea of never seeing her again doesn’t bother me.