Get in Line, Oppenheimer 1

I had some fun today. Don’t worry, I kept the explosions to a minimum.

I hit the Diamond district. Wasn’t all that hard. My armor’s stealth abilities are top notch. I think Good Doctor once mentioned they needed to be for some reason. Something about a natural tendency to draw attention, which is nonsense. I’m a horrible artist.

I walked in and set down a long black box in the doorway to keep it open. The guards started to react but their shots were harmless to me. The one that got me in the visor was a little annoying, but he cut it out when I grabbed this old woman’s yapping poodle and tossed it at him. He scrambled to catch it and the gun went off, blasting off a big poof of the dog’s fur and making it bark even louder. I threw the dog’s owner at the other guard in the room, which had almost the same effect except this time no one lost any hair and left me with a Louis Vitton purse. When I turned back to the counter, one of their finely dressed businessmen had a gun of his own leveled at me. Since he wasn’t using that head for brains, I grabbed the back of it and slammed him face first into the glass. It sent him to the ground and gave me access to the shiny crap.

I hadn’t brought a bag with me because I didn’t know what I was going to knock over when I left the lair earlier. I turned the purse upside down and shook all the contents out. “My purse!” cried the woman who tried to stand and instead only managed to knee the guard in the crotch.

“Honey,” I called back to her, “this thing is robin’s egg blue. I’m doing you a favor by stealing it.” That’s when I glanced in a downed mirror and noticed the first guard had his gun back in his hand and was on his knees, aiming. I stepped to the side, my armor projecting me still standing there while rendering the real me invisible instead. I grabbed the mirror and dropped the hologram as soon as he fired. He didn’t even know what hit him, so I told him. “Bad luck!”

Now, the alarms had been going off since before I started kicking ass and tossing dames so I had to grab whatever I could while it was still grabbable. Necklaces, earrings, rings. When the disoriented salesman stood up, blood running down his face from a gash, I even stole the wedding ring off his finger. Then I gave him the finger. I kinda had to, since I cut it off in the first place and I didn’t need any of his digits.

It was at that point that I felt I should go. The theft itself wasn’t important. The getaway was. I stepped over to the case I’d left in the door and unlatched it. Then I stood back as I flipped the lid open. A rocket almost as long as I am sat there. I grabbed the handy remote control with wrist loop and powered it on. Then I stepped on to a platform on top of it and slipped my boots into straps. The pressure pads under the straps activated and the straps were pulled tight against my boots, my rear boot fitted into a groove in the platform. Oooh, Groovy.

That’s when I saw the flames, the haze, and the rapidly approaching speedster. I put all my weight on the rear and lifted up. After the initial lift I provided, the launcher raised the front up higher and did the rest. I pressed the button and here we go. 3..2..1…

He was close. I was able to tell how close when the rocket and I shot past him in the other direction. Alas, I was too slow to make a rude gesture. My only comfort was the Louis Vitton purse full of gold and gems. It would be a tough process, but I’d get over it. Especially when I saw the speedster catching up, heating up the air around him and occasionally leaving a trail of fire behind his torso that accompanied each burst of speed. His costume went from red at his hands and feet, then yellow as it got closer to his center of mass, then white at his torso with a spot of blue in the middle.

I belted out a tune as he caught up on my right side “And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time til touchdown brings me round again to find I’m not the man they think I am at home, no no.” And that’s when he snatched the purse from my gesturing hands. Too late I tried to maneuver out of his reach, but I did so the wrong way and sent myself flying towards the sidewalk and the bistro’s tables on my right.

The speedster began to ease his speed down, purse in hand and criminal misdirected. That was the mistake on his part as I caught back up, closed table umbrella in hand, and smacked him over the head with it. “Burning out my flames out here alone!” I whacked him in the back of the head again, then poked at him. Then I stabbed through the loop of the purse and caught hold of it. I pulled it back in and grabbed it off the umbrella. Things were as they should be, with the hero playing catch up.

I didn’t want to give him the chance this time. As his legs pistoned, I opened the umbrella and turned the rocket away from him this time. It was like a U turn, but with more upward movement. And on a rocket.

I wanted to make that known again at this point because at the time my stomach reminded me of that as well. I rose above roof level and aimed off in a perpendicular direction to how our little chase had been going up to that point. I pushed the button on the remote again as well, the straps releasing from the rocket and depositing me roughly on the rooftop where I had to do two things quickly. First I activated my suit’s stealth capabilities to disguise myself as a young woman in deference to the purse I had with me. Second, I tore my helmet off and threw up. It ruined the disguise for a moment.

All in all, I’d say that field test was a success.

 

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9 thoughts on “Get in Line, Oppenheimer 1

  1. Pingback: And Introducing… 3 | World Domination in Retrospect

  2. Pingback: Get in Line, Oppenheimer 2 | World Domination in Retrospect

  3. Devin

    Previously saw your comments on Worm, so I had to check out your story when I noticed it today. Loving the word play, and it’s even more psycho than I could have hoped 🙂

    Reply
    1. Psycho Gecko Post author

      Feel free to stick around and have your mood lightened then. I’m all about lightening those poor Worm survivors left in the unforgiving, kitten-crushing darkness of angstyness.

      Reply
  4. ShawnMorgan

    Lightening? Knowing you, you probably put in the ‘en’ letters to falsestep us until you. I reckon you really mean ‘Lighting’ which is still a step up from Wormville (sneh).

    Reply
  5. Olivebirdy

    The guards started to react but their shots were harmless to me.- This is what I meant. This was a possible source of danger, adrenaline, and your character is not fazed at all. If you want to keep your character invincible, at least to bullets, fine, but at least show the guards reactions! Have them start to shiver, horrified, as their bullets have no effect,on the baffling pooch-throwing monster. Show their helplessness, their desperation. Show their tears, and give me drama! Tension makes everything funnier. Remember the Defiant Interlude? People were scared, horrified,yearning for release from the grim, and they laughed because of you.

    “…kicking ass and tossing dames”- Nice, I giggled.

    His costume went from red at his hands and feet, then yellow as it got closer to his center of mass, then white at his torso with a spot of blue in the middle.- Good job on the description, it’s improved since the last chapter.

    The cape conflict was ok, it was better than the previous ROFLstomps, the thin escape was good as well drama-wise.

    Reply

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