And Introducing… 3

There was a flat, incredulous “What?” from behind me accompanied by the whine as the gun charged up, then exploded. Kaplooey! His head asplode. Ok, so it wasn’t just his head. The shockwave threw me forward and back to the ground, but I held onto the transdimensional vloggy thingy I stole from the late Jetbomb. I stashed it in the van. I had to be ready in case more people needed distracting, and there was always the chance of getting taken in.

Ok, so let me stop and address some concerns. Was Jetbomb really killed? Yes. Do superheroes really come back to life all the time? Depends. Jetbomb was blown up by a combination of my gun’s power source and the power source for his jetpack. Supposing anybody felt like doing some magical or high tech wammy on him, they’d have difficulty doing so with a body in that many pieces and they’d have to put some of the flame broiled ones out first.

What I’m trying to say is, they’d have to resurrect a pulled pork sandwich. An overcooked one.

Now, the problem with blowing something up in public is that it definitely brings a response. Firefighters, police, heroes. Shoot a gun in public all day and there’s no problem, but the moment one tiny fission explosion goes off everybody loses their minds. Even worse, my phone rang. I’d left it in the van due to my lack of pants pockets, but it was probably better I just grab it and the camera and vamoose.

Turns out Elita had the same idea. “What did you do?” she asked as soon as I answered.

“You heard that, eh?”

“Yeah. They’re going to close this up now that there’s been an attack nearby.”

I needed a good way to hide from the cops and possibly from Elita too. I headed behind a strip of stores nearby. “Did you at least get to meet him, or am I going to have to buy you more cheesesticks?”

“Yeah, I got to meet him. It was awesome! I got his autograph and ev-“

“Good to hear that, I’ll talk to you later when it’s time to get paid, gotta go, bye.”

With that, I opened up one of the dumpsters nearby and threw myself in. It was not one of mine or the nearby taco place’s finest hours, I’ll tell you that much. Grabbed a couple of plastic bags and some old salsa while I was in there, too. After a quick makeover with a few other ingredients, I crawled out of there and found myself face to face with a pair of the first officers on the scene.

“Hey, hold up. You see what caused all this?” one of them asked me. I shook my head no, my blond hair matted with what I’m fairly certain was old beer. It’s difficult to tell because I’ve noticed every dumpster smells like old beer. That, or every beer smells like fresh dumpster. Either way, I played the homeless drunk.

“No, I was taking a siesta back there. You guys want some nachos?” I held out the double bagged salsa to them, causing the younger-looking of the pair to gag.

It was the older one who threatened me, “You can’t be sleeping back here. And how could you with something going on right there? Maybe I should run you in.”

His partner stopped him, “Come on, no. You see what that looks like over there. We arrest this guy for anything right here, Homeland Security’s going to drop him off in Cuba just because he was too close.”

“I’m sorry, officers, I didn’t know something was happening. I’m no terrorist! Just a drunk.”

The senior partner pondered the situation for a minute, then motioned off behind him. “You get out of here and you find yourself some pants as soon as possible, alright?”

“Thank you, officer. I will officer. Have a good morning!”

It was one hell of a long trip back to the hideout, though it was aided immensely when I was far enough away to toss the bag with the salsa in it and then pawn the phone for enough quick cash to pick up pants off the Goodwill.

In retrospect, this may not have been the best story to tell y’all to start off this whole mess. It’s nowhere near as impressive as the time I saved Christmas. Then again, I got my butt whooped on that one. And then there was that one time with the news… but then I wound up sticking my hand right up…

Anyway, after 15 showers in a row and an extensive and rough shampooing, I met Elita back at the bar. She was concerned about how I’d lost so much hair but I’m not about to share some embarrassing private story about a dumpster, ha ha. I took my payment and got back here to examine the vloggy thingy. What, you thought I did this out of the goodness of my heart? Ha! I do not dumpster dive for free. You want some compassion and good feelings then you stay your ass out of the free market, because money is a cold, heartless gold-digging bitch who wears a green dress every night better than your woman can.

I’ve gotten over the dumpster thing by now.

That’s how I got a hold of the gadgetry that’s making this possible. See, Jetbomb was trying to do streaming video and audio in real time. Hardly any of his stuff got out. I’ve crossed through dimensions before. I have some idea about the frequencies and power concerns needed to get stuff through there. Me, I’m keeping the power requirements low. Works better sending just text and I don’t have to worry about getting caught due to a blog. Or because of people reading me on the internet, like some people who shall not be- Neil Patrick Harris –named after this point.

Nobody said it’s easy, though. Can’t do this every day. There’s also a data limit, so don’t expect me to just leave this thing running and philosophize. Trust me, I can philosophize the hell out of stuff. I’ll philosophize so hard, you will drink hemlock.

Oh, sorry, message from OOC saying I forgot to introduce myself.

Hello world, my name is Psycho Gecko.

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30 thoughts on “And Introducing… 3

    1. Psycho Gecko Post author

      Yep, it exists. You now have a website other than porn that you can be ashamed to get caught on. I won’t bring over the rewrites of Worm (and damn Frozen Chicken, those two were better) but if you know of any stories I’ve written that aren’t here, give me a heads up. Going through two serials’ comments sections is a daunting task. I know I need to grab that “The Individual” story for over here, for instance.

      Reply
  1. anonymus

    hi, this will be fun^^ (damn you now i have to erase my browserhistory regulary)
    dont know what your polecy on typos is, just started reading:
    noticed very dumpster
    “e” ,missing “very”–>”every”

    Reply
    1. Psycho Gecko Post author

      Every typo found will earn the finder one free, all expense paid trip to… MURDOR, home of Murderrape Lungripper the Bleeder of Eyesockets!

      Nah, I appreciate helping me find them too. Surprised there aren’t more so far as fast as I type and as prone as I am to make them due to my dislike of rereading my stuff.

      Edit: Also, whether it is fun or not will be found out. Still early, so Early Installment Weirdness may be effect compared to how all of this turns out. We’ll see.

      Reply
  2. Shikome Kido Mi

    Amusing, but you could use more descriptive work. It’s hard to visualize exactly how much of the main character’s body is covered in body armor, or what that armor looks like except orange (and apparently covered in filthy latin), for example (I believe I’ve assembled it from the scattered clues, but a single sentence early on could have made things a lot easier on the audience).

    Reply
    1. Psycho Gecko Post author

      I have tried to get better at describing things over time, but I fear I am too used to thinking of things cinematically. Hopefully you’ll muscle through Oppenheimer. There are strong parts and weak parts to all of this, and I understand that I’m not nearly everyone’s cup of tea, nor would I wish to teabag everyone’s cups.

      Reply
      1. Shikome Kido Mi

        Yeah, that stuff with the space marines wasn’t as funny as you clearly thought it was. As a joke? Sure, making fun of them works. Several chapters focused on it, though, is beating a dead horse. Actually, you could probably make literally beating a dead horse funnier.

        Reply
  3. Pingback: And Introducing… 2 | World Domination in Retrospect

  4. Pingback: Get in Line, Oppenheimer 1 | World Domination in Retrospect

  5. farmerbob1

    “Come on, no. You see what that looks like over there. We arrest this guy for something else right here, Homeland Security’s going to drop him off in Cuba just because they can.”

    Due to the subject matter being referenced, I’m not sure if you are trying to say something that makes sense here and failing, or trying to make sure that you are failing to say something that makes sense. In the former case, it needs work. In the later case, it succeeded admirably.

    Reply
    1. Psycho Gecko Post author

      Made sense enough to me, but I cleaned it up a little anyway for clarity. Thanks for the typo work too. Yeah, some of the typos make me think that I made a mistake and then the spellchecker screwed up the word.

      Reply
  6. Olivebirdy

    What I’m trying to say is, they’d have to resurrect a pulled pork sandwich. An overcooked one.- Called it. Yay, casual murder. -_-
    Thoughts: Kinda funny, needs more drama, hearts-pumping, mind-racing, interest-keeping, drama. This is just so dry, no offence.

    Reply
  7. Zim the Fox

    So, I just started reading this.

    I am not sure if I should laugh maniacally or I should lie down in fetal position and cry whilst calling for my mummy. Nice!

    Reply
    1. Psycho Gecko Post author

      The beginning’s a bit rough, but things get better as it goes along. Not exactly encouraging words to hear, but I didn’t jump into this like Wildbow, with hundreds of discarded stories. I just gotta be me.

      Reply
      1. Zim the Fox

        Oh, I didn’t mean it as an insult! Not at all! I meant it as a compliment of sorts. I like the brand of… manic, insane, crazy Psycho Gecko portrays, but it also scares the hell out of me. Sorry it came out wrong. I have enjoyed the story thus far!

        Reply
        1. Psycho Gecko Post author

          It’s ok. You haven’t been the only one trying it out and that one’s not as into this. I know I’m like the South Park of web serials, but the start could have been better. Still, I’m fully aware that this is not a story for everyone, but those that do like it seem to really like it, except for maybe a good chunk of Oppenheimer.

  8. Jesp

    Love the work so far! Yay for a call-out to Dr. Horrible!! This story feels in-line with that universe (in a way). It was just how I was going into reading the story from the beginning based on the descriptions. Quite refreshing. 🙂

    Thanks for the chapter!

    Reply
    1. Jesp

      Dr. Horrible:
      Any dolt with half a brain
      Can see that humankind has gone insane
      To the point where I don’t know if I’ll upset the status quo
      If I throw poison in the watermain

      Listen close to everybody’s heart
      And hear that breaking sound
      Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
      And crashing to the ground

      I cannot believe my eyes
      How the world’s filled with filth and lies
      But it’s plain to see evil inside of me
      Is on the rise…”

      So everyone else can be infected, too. All the songs and the entire show can be found on YouTube. ^_^

      Reply
      1. Jesp

        I’m sure I will! 🙂

        Couple of typos I neglected to mention earlier:
        “…Just a drunk”
        Missing punctuation at the end.

        >>…impressive as the time I save Christmas.<<
        Unless I'm misreading that, it should be "saved".

        Reply

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